


The Good Husband

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Compromise, Drinking, Friendship, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 10:42:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12886176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: "I knew he was pissed; he stops using contractions when he's pissed."





	The Good Husband

“Something’s wrong.” Olivia walked into Rafael’s office and looked at him. He had his head resting on the desk. “Something is definitely wrong.”

“I don’t know what you're talking about.” He mumbled.

“You're serious, Barba? You're serious right now.”

“I have 16 open cases at the moment.” He sat up slowly, looked weary as hell and wasn’t trying to hide it. “Three of which have hired Delaney as counsel and he's refusing to budge on the Pacheco case. I got the DA to agree to 10 to 20, which is a goddamn miracle, and Delaney really wants to try this in the court of public opinion.”

“When is the last time someone got off on mental defect with you prosecuting?” Olivia asked.

“September 16, 2015…Anna Fleming. I didn’t want to prosecute her anyway; she was a victim. But the DA insisted. It was one of the few times in my life I didn’t mind losing. What are you doing here, Olivia?”

“Something is wrong.” She repeated.

“I just told you…” Rafael sighed, running his hands over his face.

“I'm not talking about the court cases, I'm talking about something else.”

“What?”

“You tell me.” Olivia said.

“I'm starting to feel nauseous from this merry go round.”

“Counselor…”

“I'm just tired. I'm tired and I really want to smack someone, but I can't. That’s not the best feeling. It’s starting to drain me.”

“Want to have a little sidebar?” she asked.

“Almost always. I just don’t think I want to go out tonight. Don’t tell anyone, but I'm hiding right now. This is a bad hiding space but I'm hiding just the same.”

“I brought the party to you.” Olivia held up a black plastic bag.

“Wow, Lieutenant,” Rafael almost smiled. “I'm touched. What's in the bag?”

“Two ice cold cans of Coke and a bottle of room temp Jack Daniels.” She replied.

She knew him too well sometimes. Rafael both loved and hated that. All his life he had friends but there was a certain line he never let them cross. Some were well aware of it and others had no idea. Some didn’t like it and left his life…Rafael couldn’t help who he was. 

He was someone who didn’t want to let many people in because people you loved hurt you. They hurt you repeatedly and you let them because you loved them. Olivia was nothing like that but Rafael mostly felt like it was because he got lucky this time. He had tried to keep Olivia at arms length over the years. He could even tell sometimes she tried to keep herself that way. It just never worked out for either one of them. 

Even the times they were so mad at each other they couldn’t see straight, they managed to wander back into each other’s atmosphere. That wasn’t just because they worked together. He loved her. He loved her wholly and there were not a lot of people Rafael Barba could say that about. Also, being Rafael Barba, he was only about 72% sure that she felt the same. 

Sighing, but not sounding as resigned as a few minutes before, Rafael reached over and grabbed two tumblers off the tray sitting on the credenza. He got up and walked toward the couch. Olivia did the same and they sat down together. She put the contents of the bag on the table in front of them.

“Liv?”

“Yes?” she opened the bottle of whiskey.

“Do you love me?” his tone was slightly miserable with an edge of whine.

“Yes.” Olivia nodded once.

“Unabashedly?”

“Mostly.” She nodded again.

“Trevor and I had a fight…three days ago.”

“What happened?”

“Don’t say it in that tone.” Rafael said. “I know that tone.”

“There is no tone.” Olivia put a drink in front of him and poured her own.

“You're saying it in that ‘what did you do’ tone.” 

“You're projecting, Counselor.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“So why don’t you tell me what happened? I'm not going to judge but something is wrong and you know you can share it with me.”

“He's angry at me.” Rafael mumbled. He sipped his drink and added another dash of whiskey.

“About what?”

“He came to my office mid-afternoon, to bring me coffee and a cinnamon bun. I was so busy but I didn’t mind. I was actually quite thrilled to see him. It’s little things like that, they're so Trevor and I love it. 

“Anyway, he was standing there, looking around my office and then asked why there were no pictures of us or of him to be seen. He tried to make it casual but I knew it was anything but casual. I had a headache, I didn’t want to fight. I told him I was a private person and everyone didn’t need to see and scrutinize the people in my life.”

“How did Trevor respond?” Liv asked.

“He said, I am your husband Rafael. I knew he was pissed; he stops using contractions when he's pissed. Also, he said my whole name. In combination with the lack of contractions I knew what that meant. So I told him I had to get back to work and he needed to go. We haven’t spoken since.”

“At all?”

“Not much.”

“You live together.” Liv reasoned.

“I didn’t say it was easy. There's probably a million things I want to say but I don’t want to fight.”

“Why?”

“Is that a rhetorical question?” Rafael looked at her with wide green eyes. “Who wants to fight with their spouse?”

“Couples fight, Barba. They fight just like they do everything else…its natural in a healthy relationship. You and Trevor have argued before, haven’t you?”

“Of course. This is different.”

“How so?”

“It just is.” He was exasperated.

“Fine. So your plan is to avoid him forever? Because I don’t really see how that is going to work.”

“He's so pissed off.”

“Do you know why?”

“I have one picture in this office. It’s my abuelita, taken on her 19th birthday, two days before she got married. She is beautiful in it and I have worshipped the picture since I was a little boy. I don’t understand why Trevor is so upset, it’s not as if I have pictures of everyone but him. I don’t have pictures of anyone.”

“You're wearing a wedding ring.” Liv said.

“I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“Your average person would see that and think you're married. Then they come into your office and see no other representation of that. So they’ll assume you're widowed or divorced.”

“So what? Why do I want some average person to know my business, Liv? I'm a private man.”

“Are you…?”

“Don’t ask me that.” Rafael raised a finger.

“You're a psychic now?” she raised an eyebrow.

“You were going to ask me if I was ashamed, embarrassed, or some other synonym and the answer is no. I promised Trevor, and myself even before that, that I would never live life in the shadows again. I love him so much. I asked Trevor to marry me because I've never been in love with anyone but him…and Sophia Maria Alvarez in the fourth grade. 

“The picture thing has nothing to do with him. I've been in this office for 5 years and haven’t had any pictures up. I think I had three at my old office, including abuelita. We just don’t need to be fighting about this. It’s silly.”

“I hope you never say that to Trevor.”

“I haven’t said much to Trevor in three days. I'm tired, Olivia, I want to talk to my husband.”

“The simple solution is compromise.” Liv said.

“You mean giving in.”

“If you think of it that way then you're never going to get anything accomplished. Yes, you may have to do something you don’t love. So will Trevor. And both of you will feel better. It’s a split, no win or loss for anyone. Well, you'll win because you can stop avoiding your husband.”

“I'm not…” Rafael sighed and drank. There was no point in lying. He had been avoiding Trevor. He was coming home late and his husband was leaving early. He would leave little notes on his pillow, ‘I love you, work is busy, will probably be late’, then hit a bar or coffee shop to sit and stew until he was pretty sure Trevor was asleep. 

He wasn’t holding up his end of the husband bargain in any way right now, and it was over something ridiculous. When Trevor was mad, he was mad. And he could ride his righteous indignation straight to the grave. Rafael knew his man. This wasn’t something that could be glossed over or brushed away. “What can I do?”

“There's a picture, I think you have it on your phone. It’s your mother and Trevor’s arm is around her. You're leaning on Trevor and your arms are around his waist. You look very handsome in the picture.”

“I know the picture; you're right about me looking handsome.” He was pouring himself another whiskey.

“Print the picture out, buy a nice picture frame, and put it on your desk. That’s compromise. And if anyone asks, you tell them that it’s your family. That’s the truth.”

“That doesn’t sound horrible.”

“No,” Liv shook her head. “It doesn’t. Trevor will be pleased to see a picture of you two as a loving couple in your office and you can stem the tide of Trevor turning this place into a honeymoon suite.”

“He means well.” Rafael said.

“He loves you, unabashedly. When you feel that way you have to let the whole world know. And sometimes when your partner doesn’t feel the same, it hurts. But it’s not because you don’t feel the same way. You two just have different personalities. Also, being in love and happy brings out a side of Trevor that he kept very well concealed when he was single. He's a nester.”

“Isn't that the truth?” Rafael rolled his eyes. “But he is so wonderful and I've been fuckin miserable without him.”

“So go and get your man back.” Liv smiled a bit.

“You think he’ll go for it?”

“If he doesn’t then he has a thing or two to learn about compromise. You two are lawyers, you should be better than this.”

“I could go to Bergdorf’s.” Rafael said.

“For what?”

“A picture frame.” He replied. “A great picture needs an amazing frame. The one of my abuelita came from Gimbel’s. The frame set was a gift from one of their anniversaries and that was likely the only one she used. The rest got spread through the family over the years.”

“You don’t need to go to Bergdorf’s for a picture frame, Rafael.”

“Where would I go?”

“Target is a good place. I just got a great frame that holds nine pictures for Noah’s room. It has crayons on it.”

“Target?”

“Don’t you dare say it in that tone.” Liv said. “Target is fine. They have lovely frames, affordable prices, and some designers are even doing products for them. We’ll go on Saturday and buy you one. I refuse to let you go to Bergdorf’s for a picture frame. Because you'll leave with three ties, some trouser socks, likely some cufflinks, and enough facial products to last until next Labor Day.”

“I am feeling so attacked right now.” The ADA mumbled.

“Drink your whiskey; it'll make you feel better.”

“You being here makes me feel better.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “I was drowning, and it wasn’t just about the work.”

“I know. I came to pull you from the water.”

“That’s very McDreamy of you.” Rafael said.

“Shut up.” Liv smiled and made herself another drink. Two for the road would be alright. She needed to get home to Noah but being there for her friend was important too. It wasn’t as if Olivia Benson wasn’t used to juggling about 50 plates at a time. “You need to go home and make this right.”

“I will…soon. I still have work to do and some nights I just sat here mad at myself instead of getting things done. Now I have to make up for that.”

“It seems as if you have a lot to make up for at the moment, Barba.”

“CIU pulled up one of my old cases from the Brooklyn DA’s office. Luckily it’s not really my ass to the fire this time but the unis who captured the call. I’ll be meeting with them tomorrow morning for an interview and I'm not looking forward to it.”

“CIU? Ed Tucker is working with CIU.” Olivia said.

“Last I heard, yes.” Rafael nodded.

“Did you bring that up on purpose?”

“You just scratched my back; I'm scratching yours.”

“Mine doesn’t itch.”

“So you say.” Rafael got up from the couch, took his drink, and walked back over to his desk. He may have 16 open cases, which was ridiculous, but the cases he needed to sign off on and hand over to the DA were even more plentiful. There was plenty of reason to stay at work late these last few nights. Too bad Rafael had only done about 50% of what he needed to. “This file says he's coming here tomorrow at 11. I had to get a continuance on an appearance for this sit down.”

“It’s none of my business.” Olivia finished her drink quicker than she intended. She didn’t want to do this. Rafael caught her off guard; that wasn’t his nature. He didn’t involve himself in her nonexistent love life.

“I'm just saying.”

“I have to go home.” She stood as well, put the Jack Daniel’s back in the bag and dropped the empty Coke cans in the trash.

“Don’t you recycle?” Barba asked.

“I really don’t like you right now.” She smirked.

“You just admitted to loving me…no takesies.”

“Are we twelve?” Olivia raised an eyebrow.

“Some days I’m not sure how to answer that question.”

She walked across the office to where he was sitting. Olivia reached down and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Rafael put his hand on top of hers. He would be alright and could only hope the same for his friend. He wasn’t trying to butt into her love life, nothing could be further from the truth. 

In fact, who Olivia Benson had sex with was something Rafael would rather not think about. It was like thinking about Trevor having sex with someone else, unacceptable. But she loved Ed Tucker once, or so she said. Olivia would never lie about that sort of thing. 

She sacrificed for him and the ADA knew that Ed sacrificed for her. So what went wrong? He would never know, he didn’t want to know, but somewhere deep down he still wanted to fix it. He wished that feeling would go away probably as much as Olivia did.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said.

“For what?” Rafael looked at her.

“I'm sure we’ll find something.”

“Mmm hmm, I'm sure we will. You can leave the whiskey here.”

“No problem, Counselor. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Liv.”

***

The condo was quiet when Rafael walked in that night. The dogs didn’t even come running, he guessed they were mad at him as well. He walked through and checked everything. Trevor left a few dishes in the sink but there was nothing else out of place. The only light on was the lamp Trevor always left on in the living room. With two rambunctious dogs, no one ever needed to be in the dark.

The bedroom was dark though and Rafael didn’t want to disturb his husband, who was asleep in bed. It took some time but he got off all his accessories, undressed, and hung up his clothes. The dogs were quiet but appreciative as he sat in the chair and gave them some much-deserved love. Then he went into the bathroom and closed the door. Looking in the mirror, he tried to talk himself into getting into the bed. 

How could he be scared, he and Trevor had been sharing that bed for some time? This wasn’t the first fight of their relationship, not even their marriage. But it had been a very long time since Rafael let it go on for three days. It was time to make it right, and he intended to do that, but what if he was shot down. That’s what he was afraid of…he didn’t want Trevor to reject him.

Giving himself a slap on the cheek, Rafael turned on the water and rinsed his face. Then he headed out to the bedroom. He climbed into the bed, put his arms around Trevor, and kissed his naked shoulder blade.

“Don’t be alarmed,” he whispered. “It’s just your husband.”

“It can't be.” Trevor grumbled, his body stiffening. “I'm mad at my husband and don’t want him touching me.”

“Trevor…”

“I'm trying to sleep.”

“C'mon, Trevor, we need to talk about this.”

“We've had three days to talk about it and you’ve been avoiding me like the clap. Now you want to come in, late again, and get handsy…I don’t think so. Let me go.”

“I want to talk.”

“You don’t have to touch me to talk.”

“Dammit, Trevor.” Rafael moved over in the bed and turned on the lamp. He sighed as he propped up his pillows. Trevor still had his back to him. “Can you at least look at me?”

“What is it, Rafael,” he turned over. “It’s late.”

“I was wrong.”

“About what?”

Rafael could see from his eyes that Trevor had been asleep. It was just after eleven, which was an hour or so after Trevor’s usual bedtime. Most nights they were up being frisky, laughing together, talking, making love…Trevor didn’t always get to sleep on time. Rafael wasn’t sure what he'd done the past few nights.

“I was wrong in the fight we had. I mean, I was right in what I said but wrong in being such a stubborn bastard about the whole thing. My not having pictures in my office is a personal preference.”

“You woke me up to tell me something you already told me?”

“I'm not done yet. It’s a personal preference but it wasn’t right to just dismiss what you were feeling and shut down instead of talking about it. I do that sometimes, probably more than I want to, and I've been trying to be better. I was not better this time; I was a fool. And now three days have gone by and something that we could've resolved in the moment has become this schism between us and I'm afraid to come home because I don’t want to yell. It’s been three days since I've talked to my husband, my best friend, held him, ran my fingers through his hair because I hate confrontation.”

“You hate being wrong.” Trevor said.

“Yes, but that has nothing to do with this. There is no right or wrong, Trevor, which I basically realized yesterday.”

“I'm so mad at you.” his voice cracked.

“I know, cuchura, and you should be.” Rafael reached out to caress his face but let his hand drop. He had some nerve coming in there being handsy in the first place. He knew that Trevor hated being “seduced” when they needed to be serious about something. That didn’t often stop Rafael from trying. “But we have to fix this. I have to fix it. I've come up with a compromise.”

“I'm listening.” Trevor sat up as well, stifling a yawn. 

He didn’t expect to awakened in the middle of the night for this. He knew that he and Rafael would have to work on things eventually, this little snafu wasn’t enough to ruin a marriage. Tonight just wasn’t in the cards. Trevor expected Rafael to waffle until the weekend and then he would put a stop to it. That would likely happen by giving in, which Trevor shouldn’t have had to do. Maybe this compromise would be better. For a lawyer, his husband had never been good with the C word in their personal lives.

“There's a picture on my phone of my mother. You have your arm around her and I have my arms around you. I'm going to print it out, place it in a lovely frame, and put it on the desk in my office.”

“You're wearing the plum pinstripe shirt in that picture?”

“Yes.” Rafael nodded.

“You look very handsome in the plum pinstripes.”

“That seems to be the general consensus. So I’ll put the picture on my desk and if anyone comes in and asks who's in the picture, I will say my beloved family.”

“Say your husband and mother.” Trevor said.

“Done.”

“There's also a picture on my phone. We had stayed up all night in London and we were on the hotel roof being wild and you took a great pic of us with our tongues hanging out for some reason.”

“I love that picture.” Rafael smiled. “It was your phone screen saver for a while, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. Perhaps that one, on the credenza by the scotch tumblers. Discreet but still to be seen by a few people once in a while.”

“I can do that.” 

“So we should kiss and make up?” Trevor asked.

“C'mere.” Rafael held open his arms and his husband fell into them. They both exhaled and held on tight to each other. Rafael ran his fingers through Trevor’s hair, burying his face into Trevor’s shoulder to inhale the scent of him. Tonight it was a slight grass and vanilla smell mixed with Trevor pillow. Trevor’s pillows definitely had a distinctly Trevor smell.

“I'm so sorry, cuchura.” He mumbled. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, and I'm sorry. I have to remember to just take a step back and let you breathe. That personal angry confrontation is something that makes you uncomfortable. I should've walked away and talked about it calmly when you weren't at work.”

“And I shouldn’t have made excuses and done my best to unpack what might be behind not having pictures of us in my office. It turns out nothing is behind it; I was just being set in my ways and silly about it. I probably would've figured that out sooner if I hadn’t put up that wall.”

“I love you, baby.” Trevor gently kissed Rafael’s nose and then his mouth.

“Making up is my favorite part though I would rather not fight at all. I wish I wouldn’t have wasted three days of our life together.”

“Tell me,” Trevor said as they slid down under the covers and back into darkness. “Was there a lot to be done in your office or were you just hiding from a disagreement at home?”

“It was both.” Rafael admitted. “But I was so distracted by the disagreement that I still only got about 60% of what I wanted done. The next few days will be just as busy as the last two.”

“Don’t you ever do that again, Rafael Barba.”

“I won't.” Rafael shook his head.

“I mean it. You have to talk to me. I was mad, I can admit I was mad…”

“Oh, I know you were mad.”

“But that doesn’t mean we stop talking and that doesn’t mean you hide from me or from the problem. It’s not going to go away; it'll just grow until the gulf between us is too far to reach across. And I'm not jumping over to rescue you. We both have to be able to step out of our comfort zones, compromise, and look out for each other.”

“I promise.” Rafael kissed him again. “Should I buy you something ridiculously expensive to apologize for this?”

“How heteronormative.” Trevor made a face as his hand slid under Rafael’s shirt to rub his stomach. “Yes.”

“Done.”

“And promise me again.”

“I promise. Te amo, cuchura.”

“I love you too. We’ll finish making up in the morning. I'm looking forward to it.”

“So am I. But I have to tell you, holding you, feeling your warmth and your contentment…it’s my profoundest happiness. You're my profoundest happiness, Trevor.”

Trevor smiled, kissing the underside of Rafael’s chin. He let his body relax against his husband’s and just let go. Three days. It had been three whole days since they held each other. In the same house, in the same bed; letting a silly fight keep them apart. 

Was the pictures in the office thing something that concerned Trevor, it was? But he never thought the conversation would open such a Pandora’s Box. Rafael still had a lot of work to do where things like that were concerned, but so did he. He should’ve put his foot down after the first night. But he left his frustration turn to anger and then to silence. None of those emotions helped the situation one bit. 

He was proud that Rafael decided to compromise and also to put an end to the issue. As much as he loved him, Trevor was sure he had some help in that department but he wasn’t going to make a big deal about it. It was over. It was over, and they were holding each other. Rafael would put two pictures up in his office, Trevor would feel loved, and they could scratch it off the list of things they were going to argue about. That list wasn’t long these days. Trevor and Rafael both worked hard to keep it that way.

***


End file.
